Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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