when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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