Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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