i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
