u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
