dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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