HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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