The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
tell your sister to shave her snatch
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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