I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Im part way to drunk.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
