life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
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We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
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Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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