I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
