I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
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he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
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He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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