he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
