i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
