I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My pussy is not your playground.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
