A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize