"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
