i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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