Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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