I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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