Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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