sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
