i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
