her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
