dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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