My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
