he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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