Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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