The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
