I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
