The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
