She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
