Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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