Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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