He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
