you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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