were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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