You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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