Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
In America we eat man semen.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
