From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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