he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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