nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
