I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
