At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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