We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
