Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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