i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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