I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
