Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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