so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
