just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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