Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
