I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
