doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
