uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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