what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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