You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
