remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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