I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
