I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
