i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
