Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
