Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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