just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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