i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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