how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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