I molested 6 butterflies tonight
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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