doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
