I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
apparently the secret to your success is patron
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He passed out mid-signature
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
