sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
