I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
