i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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