I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
