So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I think my moral compass just broke
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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